Says Granite

bugs, reptiles and other hairless/furless creatures do not bother me. On the other hand, it does creep me out to watch a small critter get smashed. The horrible splat and blast of guts is too dramatic to witness; it’s impossible to know what color, smell, or quantity of stuffs will squirt, not to mention, the distance it will travel. These uncertainties scare me far more than the creatures ever could.

My ‘den mother’ (aka nice woman with whom i reside on this island), is the complete opposite. She has such a bug phobia, that she must kill quickly, and with force. When there is a cockroach on the ground, she brings her knee to her chest, and bears down in a swift movement that would instantly kill a squirrel, or even a baby raccoon. The first time i witnessed this, i screamed. Eyes squinted, teeth clenched, and the crunch of bug armor giving way to its soft, creamy center… ack! You won’t be shocked when i reveal that this woman has admitted to hitting insects with a HAMMER.

i can say, that after today i have had enough of the unwanted critters. i sat on my own toilet this afternoon and noticed on the floor:

a gecko, hiding in the doorstop. i politely captured it and released it into the wild. (for the record, my den mother does not kill geckos)

i went to the farmers market again yesterday, and picked up 3 mangoes. One was ripe today, so this morning i stuck it in the fridge for a cool dessert to look forward to later in the evening. When i cut into said mango tonight, i was oh-ing and aw-ing with every gushing bite; the BEST mango i have ever eaten, by far. Its flesh was so delicious and juicy that after about 4 bites i said F it and tore that mango up like it’d insulted my mother. As i began to suck the pit clean of its last remaining fruit, i turned to my den mother and raved about its flavor once more. Just when i looked back at the pit, this beetle broke through a thin layer of mango:

i didn’t squash him, but i did call him an asshole and wash him down the drain.

i’m not there yet, please check back in a couple days. Thx!

’twas a bad ass day on this island. The sun was bright and hot this clear morning, just so when the clouds rolled in an extra layer of heat was trapped, weighing down on our hale. My roommate offered to drive us to the beach, one i’d never been to before. A ’secret beach,’ a couple miles down a dirt road, not far from where the tourists bask, however just ’secret’ enough to keep crowds away. i scold myself for not taking photos, but sometimes phone and camera and technology should be set aside.

(on our way back from secret beach)

i heard a commercial on the radio for a big bikini sale, so we ventured to the east side in search of bargains. First we found a health food store, Papaya, that was not so cheap, but worth every penny of deliciousness. There was a hot, all vegetarian buffet and i chose taro enchiladas, a delicious spicy tomato, squash and pineapple ratatouille of sorts, and a chickpea curry. The soup of the day caught my eye, and upon lifting the lid, aromas of exotic spices i could not place convinced me to spoon out a bowl. Luau Leaf Soup, read the menu board. i asked the cashier what was in the soup, she didn’t know. She asked the other cashier who also did not know. i popped my head in the window near the kitchen, where a woman also did not know the mystery soup’s contents, but told me i could come back in the morning to ask the chef. This is my only beef with Papaya, for Pete’s sake you’re a heathfood store and don’t know the ingredients of your food. Mystery soup it is. Hours later and back on the west side, my bartender DID know the main ingredient of the soup: taro leaf.

(mystery soup: looks like hell, tastes like heaven)

Much like a spinach or split pea consistency soup, it was undoubtedly rich from coconut milk, and the taro leaves were earthy and tea like in flavor. Besides those damn apple bananas i’ve been eating by the bushel, this could be the best thing to grace my palate in Kauai so far.

Driving through the countryside is a treat through and through. It’s hard not to expect a T-rex sighting, thanks to Jurassic Park.

(Headed to the east side, near Lihue)

Back home i dove into the fridge to prepare dinner and first selected my local purple yams. i threw ‘em in the oven on high and moved onto the Ahi we scored from a fish market, caught today, at $9.99 a pound. This has to be the best Ahi i’ve ever eaten. i didn’t want to cook it, but was out-voted.

i seasoned the steak simply with salt and a LOT of coarsely ground black pepper. A touch of oil in a super hot skillet did the trick for an effect pan-sear (at this point i’m scared shitless to go outside after dark, damn mosquitoes). i was nervous as i haven’t pan seared anything in ages, and was quite pleased with the outcome, although my knife skills could use some work.

(good first attempt, thank you endless hours of FoodTV)

The purple yams were utterly brilliant. After roasting, i split one open and shouted in excitement, taken by its vibrant color.

(not the greatest photo, but eh. Purple yam from the Hanapepe Farmer’s Market)

The consistency of this starch is quite different than the yams i buy on the mainland. Whereas orange yams are stringy and juicy, this indigo flesh was dense and velvety; truly a ’starch.’ Its flavor was much more root-like as well, sweet yes, but not as candysome as the other variety can be.

(i would like a dress the color of this yam flesh. If you come across one please email me @saysgranite.com Kthx)

There are a lot of small cemeteries in Kauai, most are on the side of the road, some with no barrier between road and graves at all. The sign for this one caught my eye. Could be interpreted a couple different ways.

It’s back to basics time. Of everything i’ve consumed since landing in Kauai last weekend, the two most delicious things have been local Apple Bananas and Passion Fruit. At the Hanapepe Farmer’s Market a couple days ago, a vendor yells the advertisement, ‘The Kauai sun has touched these fruits!’ Sold.

The Apple Banana is out of this world. Smaller and fatter than a Chiquita, this indigenous variety is about half the size and 10 times the intense flavor. Its flesh is sticky and nectary, sweet and honey like. Surprisingly, it does taste like apple upon first bite, tart that opens up into bright, rich banana flavor. Elvis would approve.

i’ve been eating the hell out of these treats, one because they are tasty, two, i heard the b-12 keeps the mosquitoes away. Could help with the below problem.

Food in Kauai is… underwhelming. At grocery stores, prices are insane due to shipping costs (6 bucks for a Sarah Lee loaf of whole wheat bread), and often, produce and other goods just aren’t. I was relieved to hear of a farmer’s market just 4 miles from our hale, and soon found out that shopping local is flippin delicious, and the thrifty thing to do.

The broad that sold me this Mountain Apple said it’s taste would be similar to a pear. When i bit into the fruit at home, it occurred to me this woman might need to brush up on her fruit 101. The skin and consistency is more like a plum, however less juicy and tart. Mountain Apple tastes like the most fragrant rose in a garden smells. Flesh is spongy, a little bit on the dry side, and quite mild. Delicious in a unique way.